Carlin about statistics

In continuation to the first post regarding current digitized reality. How to ASSESS NUMBER #11 in a list, IMPROVE CRIME STATISTICS, give A COOL PRESENTATION TO A FLY and other life-changing guidelines – all in this post. Instructions provided by George Carlin’s power of thought. 

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As you remember, a time ago I made a post about the image of a moderate human based on a story written by American comic, genius of stand-up comedy, George Carlin. I decided it’s unfair to limit you with exceptionally one of his strong theses – as lots of diverting things were uttered there in respect of state-of-the-art marketing, way of doing business and etc., what makes me think about our corporate world and data issues.

Carlin about future and statistics, modern people

Without loss of any second – check the following quotes from the book When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops (G. Carlin, 2010) underneath! Also, reveal more guidelines on how to CONFRONT THE SYSTEMS, SOLVE DEMOGRAPHIC PROBLEMS and ACQUIRE THE SKILL OF DOUBTING. Or simply check out what it means to be a MODERN MAN.

*Less than 1% of the text is used in this post, link to the book is provided below –
so, no need to consider the plagiarism here!


“Hello. We’re the ones who control your lives. We make the decisions that affect all of you. Isn’t it interesting to know that those who run your lives would have the nerve to tell you about it in this manner? Suffer, you fools. We know everything you do, and we know where you go. What do you think the cameras are for? And the global-positioning satellites? And the Social Security numbers? You belong to us. And it can’t be changed. Sign your petitions, walk your picket lines, bring your lawsuits, cast your votes, and write those stupid letters to whomever you please; you won’t change a thing. Because we control your lives. And we have plans for you. Go back to sleep”

Carlin quote

  • About the powerful marketing role played by NUMBERS and LISTS:

“I have a problem with the Ten Commandments. Here it is: Why are there ten? We don’t need that many. I think the list of commandments was deliberately and artificially inflated to get it up to ten. It’s clearly a padded list.

Here’s how it happened: About five thousand years ago, a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to figure out how they could control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so these guys announced that God (God personally!) had given one of them a list of ten commandments that he wanted everyone to follow. They claimed the whole thing took place on a mountaintop, when no one else was around.

Carlin quote

But let me ask you something: When these guys were sittin’ around the tent makin’ all this up, why did they pick ten? Why ten? Why not nine, or eleven? I’ll tell you why. Because ten sounds important. Ten sounds official. They knew if they tried eleven, people wouldn’t take them seriously. People would say, “What’re you kiddin’ me? The Eleven Commandments? Get the fuck outta here!”

But ten! Ten sounds important. Ten is the basis for the decimal system; it’s a decade. It’s a psychologically satisfying number: the top ten; the ten most wanted; the ten best-dressed. So deciding on ten commandments was clearly a marketing decision. And it’s obviously a bullshit list. In truth, it’s a political document, artificially inflated to sell better”

  • About questions to the NUMBER #11 in the rating top-list:

“Things I wonder about the FBI’s list of the “Ten Most Wanted” criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, “I made it, Bruno. I’m finally on the list”?

Carlin quote

How about when a new, really dangerous guy comes along and they absolutely have to put him at the top of the list without delay? (Call it “Number one with a bullet” if you wish.) Doesn’t everyone else have to move down a notch? And doesn’t one guy get dropped off? How do they decide which guy to drop? Is it automatically number ten? And how does he feel about that? Does he feel slighted? Does he feel maybe it should’ve been someone else? Has anyone who was demoted ever killed the new guy to gain his spot back?

One last question: Does the FBI search harder for number three than they do for number seven? I would. Otherwise why have the numbers at all? These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me from making any real progress in life.

  • About improvement of CRIMINAL STATISTICS:

“Are you sick of crime? Well, some communities are doing something about it; they’re putting people to death for no reason. Why not start a similar program in your town? Hang a few people in a public area and watch those crime statistics improve. You’ll be amazed”


“Suppose you tried to fuck a woman who had ten personalities, and nine of them said okay, but one of them resisted and tried to fight you off. Would that still be a rape?”

“I’d like to know the suicide rate among people who call in to radio psychologists and actually follow the advice they get”

  • About a PRESENTATION given TO A FLY:

“When I’m on a commercial flight, and I see a fly flying down the center of the airplane from back to front, I like to take him off to one side and ask him if he understands how fast he’s moving. They never really know. So the first thing I do is briefly explain Newton’s laws of motion, complete with a small diagram to make it a bit easier. But the only thing their little fly egos are interested in is how fast they’re moving. So I tell them that in order to calculate their velocity relative to the ground, all they have to do is add their own flying speed to the speed of the airplane. I show them how it works and they can’t believe it when they discover that they’re actually traveling over five hundred miles an hour. The first thing most of them mention is that a frog’s tongue wouldn’t stand a chance against that kind of speed”


“Some of you are going to die next year, and others will be crippled and maimed in accidents, perhaps even completely paralyzed. Still others will be stricken with diseases that can’t be cured, or will be horribly scarred in fires. And let’s not forget the robberies and rapes there’ll be lots of them. Therefore, many of you will not get to enjoy the happy and fortunate New Year I’m wishing for you. So just try to do the best you can

Also, reveal more guidelines in this blog on how to CONFRONT THE SYSTEMS, SOLVE DEMOGRAPHIC PROBLEMS and ACQUIRE THE SKILL OF DOUBTING. Or simply check out what it means to be a MODERN MAN.

P.S. You may probably guess that I highly recommend the entire book “When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops”. You can easily order it by clicking the banner next to the text!

Order Carlin book

The other works of George Carlin are also very demanding! Check them out:

  • Brain droppings

    As said by Carlin himself, this is his ‘first real book’, made up predominantely of his past stand up comedy materials. Nevertheless, it has been a New York Times bestseller for 18 straight weeks long.
  • “Napalm and Silly Putty”
    No need to explain the allusion given in the title – we are all from the same generation that invented both funny and deadly things.



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