Carlin about future

DIGITIZED WORLD – a cruel and a fierce one. Which forces us, modern people, to adapt and live in new circumstances. WHO WE ARE IN THIS UNIVERSE, WHAT ROLES WE PLAY – will be disclosed below with the help of George Carlin.

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A few weeks ago I ended up with my first book of a great guy George Carlin (American comic, stand-up comedy activist). It turned out that I acquainted with his thoughts in his last book – “When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops” (2004) – literally, at the peak of his career and the brain-power, but with a slightly noticeable note of sorrow to the present and future. Needless to say, in Russian edition this book was published under the name “Future is not as it used to be” (less veiled, but more effective marketing move counted for Russian-speaking audience – the popularity of Carlin’s talent has arisen in recent years and among youngsters mostly).

Anyway, the name of the book speaks for its content. As for my opinion, some of the paragraphs are so neatly said that utter like gloomy prophecy, no more and no less. Has it come to be true or not in our reality, is an open question to be answered by everyone himself – am I really uplinked and downloaded, inputted and outsourced? Or still able to differentiate between media and real life, appreciate the real human feelings in the kingdom where likes and dislikes rule?

Carlin about modern man

So, ladies and gentlemen, please, be welcomed to familiarize yourself with the master-of-word, George Carlin, and the fragment of his work!

*Less than 1% of the text is used in this post, link to the book is provided below – so, no need to consider the plagiarism here!


I’m a modern man, digital and smoke-free; a man for the millennium.

Carlin about modern man

  • A diversified, multicultural,
  • post-modern deconstructionist;
  • politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I’m a high-tech lowlife.

  • A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art,
  • bi-coastal multi-tasker,
  • and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I’m new-wave, but I’m old-school; and my inner child is outward-bound.

I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer; voice-activated and biodegradable.


Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin’ the wave, dodgin’ the bullet, pushin’ the envelope.

I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs.

I’ve got no need for coke and speed; I’ve got no urge to binge and purge.
I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar.

A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary.

Carlin about a modern man

A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom-feeder.
I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps.

I’m a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach.

A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic; out of rehab and in denial.
I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda.
You can’t shut me up; you can’t dumb me down.

Cause I’m tireless, and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha-male on beta-blockers.

I’m a nonbeliever, I’m an overachiever; laid-back and fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home; low-rent, high-maintenance.

I’m super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last.

  • A hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk head case,
  • prematurely posttraumatic,
  • and I have a love child who sends me hate-mail.

But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing. A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary-care giver.

My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

Carlin about modern manI read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports.

I’m gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.

I like rough sex; I like tough love. I use the f-word in my email. And the software on my hard drive is hard-coreno soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I’m toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear, and I come in all sizes.
A fully equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle.
I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, preheated, pre-screened, pie-approved, prepackaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped and vacuum-packed.

And … I have unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean.

Cocked, locked and ready to rock; rough, tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow, I go with the flow; I ride with the tide, I’ve got glide in my stride.
Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinnin’; jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’.
I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road.

I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time.

I’m hangin’ in, there ain’t no doubt; and I’m hangin’ tough. Over and out.

Datalypse between lines

P.S. You may probably guess that I highly recommend the entire book “When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops”. You can easily order it by clicking the banner next to the text!

Order Carlin book

The other works of George Carlin are also very demanding! Check them out:

  • Brain droppings
    As said by Carlin himself, this is his ‘first real book’, made up predominantely of his past stand up comedy materials. Nevertheless, it has been a New York Times bestseller for 18 straight weeks long.


  • “Napalm and Silly Putty”

    No need to explain the allusion given in the title – we are all from the same generation that invented both funny and deadly things.

Datalypse between lines

Actually, Carlin was a very workaholic guy who had expirements with various formats, either television or radio broadcasting. Just watch out his performance – better than rap, yo!


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